Jeremy Hambly of The Quartering Celebrates Pork Night
Little is known about the holiday, but residents of Hambly's town say they're concerned.
Jeremy Dale Hambly of Wisconsin, host of the failing TheQuartering and founder of the failing Coffee Brand Coffee, may have revealed that he celebrates a curious and potentially dangerous holiday in his household during a June 16 livestream.
During the livestream, co-hosted with noted e-whore Christian Melonie Mac, the two discussed a story about Christian baseball players who had written Bible verses on the Gay Pride hats they’d been supposedly forced to wear by Major League Baseball.
As the two discussed religious discrimination, Hambly made a reference to an ominous-sounding holiday:
“They (MLB) wouldn’t make a Muslim celebrate Pork Night,” Hambly said, which was apparently offered as a parity argument for why Christians should not be forced to wear Pride hats.
The question immediately becomes: What the hell is Pork Night?
After an investigation by lolcownews.com, we discovered there have been a rash of pig-nappings from the farms in the general vicinity of Hambly’s property in Wisconsin.
Additionally, local grocers report increased sales in pork products - so much that they’re struggling to keep their shelves and cooler units stocked. CCTV footage from several of these grocers reveals a customer, who resembles Hambly in the fact that he is the fattest human being ever observed, purchasing large quantities of pork loins, bacon, ham, pork shoulders, and pork chops every day for the last week and a half.
Eyewitnesses say they’ve never seen a man so intent on purchasing pork.
If the figure seen in the footage is indeed Hambly, what exactly is he doing with all this pork?
What and when is Pork Night?
How is it celebrated?
Are the residents of Hambly’s town in danger?
The investigation by lolcownews.com will continue.